In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
