Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize