So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
