We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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