Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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