You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
