we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
