yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
