I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
