If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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