How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
