I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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