Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
