I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
