Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
