So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
