Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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