Just mADE A PArabola og urine
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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