things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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