lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
