I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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