McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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