ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh god it's open bar.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
