hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
