Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize