it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
