I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
