im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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