Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
