I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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