Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
