weddingsv make me drug and hornr
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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