Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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