I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
