Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
