A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
