Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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