do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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