I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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