I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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