remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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