i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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