She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
