i think my tv is drunk
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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