WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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