can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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