Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
