eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
