She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
