Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
