if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
