they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
