I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
