I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
