I'm going to jail i love you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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