if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
