Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
