I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Dear god my vagina.
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