My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize