i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
