Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
