dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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