if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
