Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was like eating out sand paper
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So many bounce houses so little time
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
