I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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